Jonny Porkpie Press
Porkpie says "Grab My Junk, Washington DC"First, host Jonny Porkpie introduces the celebrity guest performers to an audience full of potential contestants in the best possible way: by bringing them to the stage to present titillating burlesque numbers. Watch carefully as these sexy superstars take off their clothes -- watch even more carefully than usual. Because you might just see something in the striptease that will help you guess the answers to intimate questions about the private lives of these performers. Questions like: "What's the most amazing place you ever had sex?" and "What is your most outrageous unfulfilled sexual fantasy?"
Answer these inappropriate questions correctly, and in the first rounds, you'll win... Junk! Yes, the early prizes you can grab consist of the useless crap that's been lying around host Jonny Porkpie's house, like that book he bought for a class in college that he never even opened, or toys from his childhood, or VHS tapes. In the final showdown, winners can trade this crap for actual prizes... but there's a catch. The real goods are all tucked into your host's pants, and in order to claim the valuables, contestants will have to reach in and GRAB MY JUNK.
"This gameshow recently debuted in my home town of New York to great acclaim," explained Porkpie. "And I'm thrilled the The Palace of Wonders in DC -- one of my favorite venues -- is the next stop on what I hope will become a national tour. I'd like for everyone in the world to have a chance to grab my junk."
In addition to host JONNY PORKPIE (star of internationally renowned Pinchbottom Burlesque), this edition of GRAB MY JUNK features star of the acclaimed "Dangerous Curves Ahead" national burlesque tour ANITA COOKIE, two-time Burlesque Hall of Fame Award Winner CLAMS CASINO, and producer of "Drive Thru Burlesque" SIZZLE DIZZLE.
It's a game where the stakes are low and the standards are too. Do you have what it takes to... GRAB MY JUNK?
Jonny Porkpie Bring Pinchbottom Back to Performance Space 122 for "The Last Burlesque Show in the World"
JULY 2010, NEW YORK CITY: On the precipice of time, the ragged edge of existence itself, one painted gasp before an unceasing void envelops the final fragment of reality: A single beautiful moment remains, forestalling oblivion, in which a forgotten god -- trapped forever in the crumbling stone of a sculptors' misconception -- obviates his own extinction with the only art eternity cannot bear to destroy...
...burlesque.
No, seriously. Artistic striptease confounds oblivion.
Welcome, friends, to THE LAST BURLESQUE SHOW IN THE WORLD, Pinchbottom's first all-new piece of 2010. For over five years, Pinchbottom has brought a unique theatricality to burlesque, linking together striptease numbers by top performers with a comedic scripted narrative. With this show, it turns the tables on this formula and incorporates burlesque into a theatrical extravaganza. Inspired by the amalgam performance style of works like Julie Atlas Muz's "I Am The Moon..." and Taylor Mac's "The Lily's Revenge", THE LAST BURLESQUE SHOW IN THE WORLD seeks to not only transverse but obliterate the conceptual boundaries which separate legit theater and burlesque.
An epic metaphysical journey through the twisted muscle of the human heart, the jagged crevices of the creative mind, the amorphous discord of the libido, and the insouciant profundity of pants-dropping, THE LAST BURLESQUE SHOW IN THE WORLD stars Pinchbottom co-creator Jonny Porkpie, plus Clams Casino, Jo Boobs, Legs Malone, Naughtia Nice, and Mat "Sealboy" Fraser, with special guest stars Amber Ray, Gal Friday, Harvest Moon, Peekaboo Pointe, Sapphire Jones, Tigger!, and more. It is--more literally than one can possibly convey in the ambiguous tumult of language--the ultimate Pinchbottom show.
But even with this new direction, Pinchbottom's trademark humor will still be a part of the show--right? "No," says Porkpie, his face a rigid mask of magniloquent contempt. "This is a deep and serious theatrical event. Anyone evincing a modicum of amusement during the performance will be asked to leave immediately." He then threw his cloak over his shoulder and strode away in search of beignet.
"The Burlesque Mayor of NYC" To Bring Bump & Grind to DC Politics
Sick of politics as usual? Then come experience the most unusual politics you'll ever love when Jonny Porkpie's WHISTLESTOP BURLESQUE TOUR pulls in at the Palace of Wonders in Washington, DC. The Burlesque Mayor of New York City brings a unique style of "full disclosure" campaigning to our Nation's Capitol, where sexy striptease pundits CREAMY STEVENS, NASTY CANASTA, and TRIXIE LITTLE will lay their policies bare for all to see. It's enough to make any swing voter bipartisan.
On Saturday, June 12 at 9:30 and 11:30pm, JONNY PORKPIE of Pinchbottom Burlesque (named the "Best Burlesque" in NYC by New York Magazine and The Village Voice) and his special guests seduce the voters with a bump-and-grind appeal to the masses. Fresh on the heels of his run for "actual" mayor of New York City in the 2009 election (he lost by a landslide) Porkpie takes his political aspirations national with a risque appeal to the American voters.
"In many ways, burlesque is a lot like politics, only better," explained 'Mayor' Porkpie. "For instance, when these fabulous performers twirl tassels, it puts a whole new spin on 'spin'. The idea of 'getting into bed with special interests' has never been so appealing. And it all brings a whole new meaning to the word 'incumbent'."
As every voter knows, the best way of judging any politician is by the support he has behind him, and Porkpie's all-star rostrum of nude celebrity endorsers couldn't be more impressive. The lineup includes two finalists for The Burlesque Hall of Fame's "Reigning Queen of Burlesque 2010" title; Pinchbottom co-creator Nasty Canasta ("Brooklyn's Greatest Burlesque Star" -The Brooklyn Paper) and Baltimore's Trixie Little ("Charm City's Burlesque Superhero") -- both of whom will be rushing back from the pageant in Las Vegas in order to perform at this event. The show also features the amazing Creamy Stevens, co-producer and star of New York's famous Starshine Burlesque.
"When the people of this fine country see what my campaign has to offer," said Porkpie, "They will be aching to pull the lever, stuff the ballot box, or do whatever it is they like to do in the privacy of their voting booth. Join us at the Whistlestop: you won't find a position presented which you don't wholeheartedly endorse.
Jonny Porkpie's WHISTLESTOP BURLESQUE TOUR: putting the bedroom back in politics.
Jonny Porkpie's Whistlestop Burlesque Tour
Saturday June 12, 9:30 & 11:30pm
The Palace of Wonders, 1208 H Street, Washington, DC
Tickets: $10
http://www.palaceofwonders.com * http://www.jonnyporkpie.com
starring Jonny Porkpie, Creamy Stevens, Nasty Canasta, Trixie Little
JONNY PORKPIE BRINGS "BAD IDEAS" TO THE BEACH
JONNY PORKPIE'S BAD IDEAS
Thursday, May 20 at 9:00pm
Coney Island USA
1208 Surf Avenue, Brooklyn
Ticket Info: $10, available at at the door
Brilliant. Amazing. Award-winning. World-renowned. These are just a few of the superlatives that describe BB Heart, Jo Boobs, Legs Malone, and Peekaboo Pointe (in her only Coney Island appearance of the summer). But have you ever wondered what insanity lies beneath all that talent, all that sexiness, all those beautiful outfits, all those clever concepts? In a world that already allows performers to do almost anything they want, what will burlesque performers create when given the freedom to do absolutely anything they want?
Find out Thursday, May 20, when the Burlesque Mayor of New York City comes to Coney Island's Burlesque at the Beach for JONNY PORKPIE'S BAD IDEAS, a show that encourages the best in burlesque to embrace their worst instincts.
The structure is simple: In the first half of the night, each performer will present one of the acclaimed burlesque numbers for which she is best known. In the second half, Porkpie has challenged those same performers to bring to life one of the most idiotic notions she has ever voiced in his presence.
"The first act will be a glorious showcase of the wonders of the modern burlesque, filled with beautiful women performing the brilliant acts which best exemplify their skill, humor, and sexiness," said Porkpie. "The second act will be a fantastic freakin' trainwreck. In what way? I don't know. I doubt if the performers themselves know. In fact, there's only one way to find out: come see the show."
As for the performers, "They're thrilled to be given free reign," explained Porkpie, "A chance to perform completely without restriction. Who knows? Some of the numbers debuting in the second half of this show may well go into regular rotation. More likely, however, the delightfully stupid acts will never be seen again."
"In the past few years, a bevy of bad ideas have come to Coney Island," Porkpie said, pointing at an abandoned building with a Thor Equities sign affixed to it. "But I guarantee that none have been this sexy."
NAKED GIRLS READING celebrates Porkpie's "The Corpse Wore Pasties"
In January, hit nude literary salon Naked Girls Reading is throwing a nationwide book release party for the publication of burlesque-infused pulp murder mystery "The Corpse Wore Pasties" by Jonny Porkpie.
The celebration kicked off yesterday weekend in Chicago, the birthplace of Naked Girls Reading to rave reviews, with "Naked Girls Reading PULP! - celebrating the cheap and tawdry" on Sunday, January 3rd at noon. "When I think of cheap and tawdry, I think of Jonny Porkpie," said NGR Nationwide producer Franky Vivid. "So what better way to honor the release of his book than with a reading of other cheap and tawdry literature?"
"When I first heard about Porkpie's murder mystery," Vivid said, "I knew at once there was only one way to mark its publication: by having beautiful women across the nation take off their clothes and read aloud from it, and similarly pulpy novels."
Following its kickoff in Chicago, the nude literary celebration will travel through the NGR branches in Seattle WA, Key West FL, Dallas TX, (and perhaps Madison WI, Miami FL, and Denver CO as well) before landing in New York on Saturday, January 29 at 8:00pm for NAKED GIRLS READING PULP: Gotham's Seedy Underbelly.
Nasty Canasta (who is also fictionalized as a character in "The Corpse Wore Pasties") leads an all-star cast of burlesque performers reading selections from pulp novels set in the Big Apple, including Mickey Spillane, Ed McBain, Cornell Woolrich, and (not co-incidentally) Jonny Porkpie. But Porkpie isn't the first burlesque performer to pen a lurid pulp murder mystery; he follows in the high-heeled footsteps of the great Gypsy Rose Lee, who published "The G-String Murders" in 1941.
"We'll be reading from both burlesque murder mysteries," said star Nasty Canasta, "and determine who is the more attractive author. Oh, no, wait, we don't have to read from the books to do that. Gypsy is the more attractive author. Porkpie's cute, but come on. It's Gypsy, for crying out loud. Anyway, we'll read selections from both books."
For the January show, Naked Girls Reading NYC returns to the plush upstairs lounge at Madame X in Greenwich Village. "We're thrilled to be back," says Canasta. "The turnout for our debut there was fantastic, but perhaps a little too crowded. So Madame X has decided to make the event more intimate, and limit the seating to 40 lucky patrons, making sure everyone has a place on one of their decadent couches." A few standing room tickets are also available. Reserved seating is only $25, and includes one drink from Madame X's "Foreplay" menu. Standing room is $20.
"Beautiful women nationwide reading my novel in the buff?" said Porkpie. "What more could any author ask for? And I hope this event will encourage everyone reading 'The Corpse Wore Pasties' to do so naked. Except if they're on the subway. That's probably not a good idea."
NYC edition info:
NAKED GIRLS READING PULP: Gotham's Seedy Underbelly
DATE: Friday, January 29 at 8:00pm
VENUE: Madame X 94 West Houston Street, Manhattan
Tickets are very limited. buy online or 866-811-4111
PORKPIE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE GODDAMN HOLIDAYS
After a sold-out final weekend of "Filthy Lucre: A Burlesque Christmas Carol" (starring Nasty Canasta, "Perhaps the loveliest and certainly the nudest Scrooge in history" -The New York Times), Porkpie offers one last chance to spend the goddamn holidays in naked style with another of Pinchbottom's patented risque retellings of a classic tale, "How The Pinch Stole Xmas".
When Nasty Canasta takes charge of the Holiday Pageant, she decides to celebrate with nudity, using burlesque stars for sexy tributes to the season. But the grinch-like (but legally distinct) "Pinch" (Jonny Porkpie) wants to keep Xmas clean and pure as the virgin snow, and so dresses up as Burlesque Santa and sets out to kidnap each and every performer in Nasty's show. Will The Pinch have a change of heart in time to save Nasty's pageant? Or will Xmas remain forever G-rated? A stocking-stuffer that takes on the holidays as only Pinchbottom can; from behind, "How the Pinch Stole Xmas" is holiday treat full of goodies for all the bad boys and girls.
Returning for its 3rd year, "How The Pinch Stole Xmas" is the centerpiece of the bump-and-grind feast that is the 2009 Burlesque Blitz, appearing right smack dab in the middle of the 5-day extravaganza. The 2009 edition stars Nasty Canasta and Jonny Porkpie, with Julie Atlas Muz, Little Brooklyn, Legs Malone, Mat "Sealboy" Fraser, Sapphire Jones, and promises to be yet another night of holiday fun "Not for the family or faint of heart" -(Thirteen.org)
Pinchbottom Burlesque
HOW THE PINCH STOLE XMAS
Monday, December 28 at 10:30pm
The Kraine Theater, 85 East 4th Street, Manhattan
Tickets & Info: http://www.pinchbottom.com
"BAD IDEAS" BECOMES A BAD JOKE
It's the oldest, dumbest, and most juvenile joke in the book; now, it becomes the sexiest.
The phrase "That's What She Said", the humor backbone of late-night drunken conversations, frat party comedians, and middle-school playgrounds, is reborn on Monday December 14 at 10:00pm... as a burlesque show.
For the latest in his "Bad Ideas" series, which appears monthly at Public Assembly, Jonny Porkpie has imported sexy from all around the country -- and, like so many perscription drugs, from Canada -- in order to breathe new life into an old chestnut.
Hosted by Jonny Porkpie, and starring Perle Noire (New Orleans), Sauci Calla Horra (Toronto), Vikki Likkerish (Boston), and Schaffer The Darklord (Hell), "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" promises to make the phrase tolerable once again -- or, at least, give you something to remember fondly each time you hear it.
"There's nothing better," Porkpie explained, "Then taking an annoying, hackneyed phrase and infusing it with a positive, one might even say erotic, Pavlovian response through the medium of burlesque."
There sure isn't, Porkpie. And hey, he even managed to get through an entire press release without writing a single sentence to which one could respond "That's What She Said". That's pretty damn impressive.
Oh, crap.
JONNY PORKPIE'S BAD IDEAS turns up, like a bad penny, every second Monday of the month at Public Assembly. Mr. Porkpie is the co-producer of New York's Award-winning Pinchbottom Burlesque, a failed candidate for Mayor of NYC, and the author of "The Corpse Wore Pasties", a burlesque murder mystery published by Hard Case Crime.
Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas : THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
Monday, December 14 at 10:00pm
hosted by Jonny Porkpie, burlesque by Perle Noire, Sauci Calla Horra, Vikki Likkerish, and the sounds of whiteboy rapper Schaffer The Darklord
DJ: Mikey Palms
Tickets: $10, available at the door
http://www.mondaynightburlesque.com | http://www.jonnyporkpie.com
Jonny Porkpie's Book Release Party also A Burlesque Show, and vice-versa
Pinchbottom marks the launch of "The Corpse Wore Pasties" with a brand-new theatrical event: LURID PULP!, an interactive-murder-mystery-book-release-party-burlesque-show.
"After seeing one of Pinchbottom's fantastic theatrical burlesque shows, I knew I wanted to work with them," said Charles Ardai, editor of Hard Case Crime. "And that desire led to the publication of 'The Corpse Wore Pasties', a book which purports to be the true story of a burlesque performer named Jonny Porkpie who solves a murder that happens at a burlesque show with the help of another burlesque performer named Nasty Canasta. And now Pinchbottom is doing a burlesque show in which a burlesque performer named Nasty Canasta has to solve the murder of an author named Jonny Porkpie who was killed because he wrote a book purporting to be the true story of a burlesque performer named Jonny Porkpie who solves a murder that happens at a burlesque show with the help of another burlesque performer named Nasty Canasta. In a way, we've come full circle. In another way, we've just confused the hell out of ourselves."
New York's top burlesque stars will quite literally flesh out the characters in "The Corpse Wore Pasties" by recreating the striptease numbers described in Porkpie's book. Nasty Canasta, Clams Casino, GiGi La Femme, Jo Boobs, Madame Rosebud, and more -- as well as the author himself -- will make the words leap off the page, and out of their undergarments. As if this wasn't enticing enough, one audience detective who correctly identifies the murderer will receive a special reward: a grab-bag of Hard Case Crime books and a pair of tickets to Pinchbottom's 2009 holiday show "FILTHY LUCRE: A (burlesque) Christmas Carol".
Can Nasty Canasta uncover the naked truth? Each femme fetale is more suspicious than the last in LURID PULP!, premiering Saturday, November 21 at 8:00pm, with an encore presentation Saturday, November 28 @ 8:00pm.
The event features a special introduction by Hard Case Crime editor Charles Ardai, and a book signing by the author and cover models. THE CORPSE WORE PASTIES is on sale November 24 in fine bookstores everywhere. It is Mr. Porkpie's first novel.
Pinchbottom Burlesque presents
LURID PULP!
Saturdays, November 21 & 28 at 8:00pm
The Bleecker Street Theater, 45 Bleecker at Lafayette
Tickets: $20 (show only) - $25 (show plus book) * Buy online at http://www.pinchbottom.com/tickets or by phone 866-811-4111
Porkpie Gossip on Page 6
Great live band. Hot live girls. Only one thing can go wrong: Jonny Porkpie
Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas: PORKHART, the farewell tour
ONE NIGHT ONLY: Monday, December 9 @ 10:00pm
Public Assembly, 70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg
In an alternate universe where Jonny Porkpie is a rock star, things aren't going so well. Mostly because no one is quite sure why he's a rock star, especially not Rebecca Hart, the other front person -- the one with actual musical talent -- in the fictional multi-platinum band PORKHART.
PORKHART looms on the verge of a breakup, but at the urging of their record company, has agreed to reconcile their differences for a farewell tour. Everything seems to be going well until the final stop, Public Assembly in Williamsburg, when Porkpie brings in burlesque stars Nasty Canasta, Bird of Paradise, and Gal Friday to "enhance" the gig. The band band blows its top... and the girls remove theirs.
Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas teams up with Rebecca Hart and The Sexy Children for the live-band burlesque show PORKHART: the farewell tour at Public Assembly on Monday, November 9th at 10:00pm.
"Rebecca and I met as undergraduates, and have been friends ever since," explains Porkpie. "But, though we worked together on some theatrical projects in college, we went our separate creative ways afterwards (she becoming a rock star and me a stripper) and so have not collaborated since. Perhaps, with my lack of musical talent, it seemed like a bad idea. But with the advent of 'Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas,' the time was ripe."
Added Hart, "Sexy Children. Naked Chicks. Live Music. Vaudevillian comedy. Flimsy Plotlines. Hastily Memorized Script. Two Sets!! Will it work? Who cares?? NAKED CHICKS!"
What will happen when tone-deaf Porkpie teams up with Hart, a woman with an "impressively well-textured voice and a band that brings a potent dose of downtown-NYC heat" (Time Out New York) plus a quarter-dozen award-winning burlesque beauties? As Rebecca says: "Who cares? Naked Chicks!"
PORKHART: the farewell tour
ONE NIGHT ONLY: Monday, December 9 @ 10:00pm
Public Assembly, 70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg
Tickets: $10, available at the door
starring JONNY PORKPIE & REBECCA HART
featuring The Sexy Children: Dan Barman (Drums), Matt Epstein (Bass), Dave Lott (Guitar)
and the sexy burlesque dancers: Bird of Paradise (Boobs), Gal Friday (Boobs), and special guest star Nasty Canasta (Ass)
REBECCA HART AND THE SEXY CHILDREN have played at fine musical venues across NYC and across the country, including Joe's Pub, BAMCafé, Rockwood Music Hall, Webster Hall, and more. Their latest studio album, CRASH & STRUM, is available on iTunes.
JONNY PORKPIE is the producer of BAD IDEAS and the co-producer of PINCHBOTTOM BURLESQUE and Naked Girls Reading NYC. He is a candidate for Mayor of New York City and the author of "The Corpse Wore Pasties" (Hard Case Crime, Nov 24), which Publishers Weekly called an "entertaining hard-boiled debut... Readers will enjoy the twists and action and hope for future Porkpie investigations."
http://www.rebeccahart.net
http://www.mondaynightburlesque.com
http://www.jonnyporkpie.com
"Burlesque Mayor" Makes Final Campaign Statement
Tuesday, October 27: From a campaign stop in Boston MA, mayoral candidate Jonny Porkpie made a final statement to the people of New York City, encouraging them to cast their vote for him instead of the more clothed candidates.
"You, the voters," Porkpie said, "Know exactly what you're getting when you vote for me, Jonny Porkpie. At the beginning of my campaign, I promised full disclosure, and -- as anyone who has attended one of my rallies can attest -- I have delivered that in spades. For those unable to attend, here is a brief rundown of my positions on the issues facing our fair city.
"During my initial rally on September 14, I illustrated the dangers of the irresponsible developments the current administration espouses when Nasty Canasta, after taking off her clothes in a stunning tribute to Coney Island, had her beauty completely covered up by inappropriate new construction.
"My fervent support of gay marriage was brought out into the open, and placed front and center during my 'Shocks & C*cks all nude all dude revue' rally on October 12.
"My commitment to literacy was laid bare in my 'Naked Girls Reading NYC' program (based on a similar program out of Chicago), which caught the eye of a number of press outlets, including EntertainmentWeekly.com. About our upcoming holiday reading of Dickens' A Christmas Carol, ew.com observed 'I can almost guarantee that you've yet to see it done like this.'
"And one of my hotbutton issues, the restrictive cabaret laws that prevent our finest ecdysaists from getting as naked as they would like, was on display -- and addressed -- in each and every rally. Even NBC New York lamented 'the laws currently governing the flashing of naughty bits in our fair city' on their website."
"And, of course, my views on crime in New York City are outlined in my memoir/burlesque murder mystery, 'The Corpse Wore Pasties,' (Hard Case Crime, November 24), which Publishers Weekly says keeps me 'one kick-step ahead of the cops.' I'll present further views on crime with Pinchbottom Burlesque on November 21& 28, in 'LURID PULP: an interactive-murder-mystery-book-release-party-burlesque-show.'"
"Remember, other candidates may have garnered the endorsements of newspapers, television, and other press outlets, but I am endorsed by the burlesque performers. And will newspapers take off their clothes for you in a brilliant and seductive manner when you vote for the candidate they endorse? Probably not. So I hope that when you're alone in the privacy of that voting booth on November 3, you pull the lever for Jonny Porkpie for Mayor. Or push the button. Whatever works for you."
More Reviews for "The Corpse Wore Pasties", available 11/24
PREORDER "Corpse"
Library Journal: "The rapport required on stage transfers effortlessly to the page in this debut mystery... Verdict" Don't give up your night job, Jonny; it's too good of a backdrop for the sequels that will surely come to nestle comfortably between Gypsy Rose Lee's classic 1941 The G-string Murders and Kinky Friedman's mysteries."
Publishers Weekly: "The self-styled burlesque mayor of New York City makes himself the hero of his entertaining hard-boiled debut... Much of the fun lies in Porkpie's witty and telling observations of life in the raunchy burlesque world, and the tone is more playful than pornographic despite plentiful references to sexual activity. Readers will enjoy the twists and action and hope for future Porkpie investigations." Full review.
Booklist says "Porkpie's style is diligently tongue in cheek, and it works. Fans of hard-boiled crime will enjoy this romp, and in an increasingly coarse popular culture, the inside look at burlesque seems, well, almost wholesome." Full review.
Vince Keenan, who won an advance copy, writes on his blog: "It's a lark, and a fun one, with Mr. Porkpie getting into and out of silly, sexy trouble. But not too sexy; Mr. Porkpie is happily married to burlesque performer Nasty Canasta - one of the cover models, FYI - and their relationship is the best thing in the book." Full review.
Pinchbottom's LURID PULP, a combination Book Release party/interactive murder mystery/theatrical extravaganza, will premiere Saturday November 21 @ 8:00pm at 45 Bleecker in Manhattan. Encore presentation Saturday November 28 @ 8:00pm. Details to follow.
BUY TIX for "Lurid Pulp" * PREORDER "Corpse"
PORKPIE COURTS VOTERS WITH SHOCKS & C*CKS
Who let the boys out? They said it couldn't be done... they said it shouldn't be done... so mayoral candidate Jonny Porkpie doing it. For the first time ever in the 10+ year history of bump & grind at 70 North 6th Street, burlesque gets cocky when the boys take over Monday Night. For those who have always loved everything about burlesque except the attractive naked women, this is the show for you, because on Monday, October 12 at 10pm, Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas goes 100% beefcake with "SHOCKS & C*CKS all nude all dude revue".
"Don't get me wrong," said Porkpie, "Like all of my campaign rallies, this is going to be a fantastic event starring some of the most talented performers in burlesque. It's just that none of them are, you know, women."
"And variety!" Porkpie continued, waving his hands in the air. "This show has magic... hula hooping... freaks from the sideshow... performers imported from overseas... gay men, straight men, and everything in between... the only aspect in which there's no variety whatsoever is the gender of the performers."
On October 12, come for the talent and stay for the full frontal nudity as you witness burlesque skills that only boys can do -- like the tri-tassel twirl and the "windmill" -- in a show that promises to be fun for all genders. Starring your host JONNY PORKPIE plus the man magic of ALBERT CADABRA; hunky hoopstar FERRO; bravado boylesque by HARD COREY; the original Mr. Exotic World TIGGER! & two fine blokes imported from the UK: the heartfelt BRITISH HEART; and "Sealboy" MAT FRASER in SHOCKS & C*CKS all nude all dude revue.
Porkpie's event appears to be unique in the 2009 election; No other New York City mayoral candidate has yet announced plans to stage an all-male, all-naked rally. When asked what impact he thought SHOCKS & C*CKS might have on his chances for election, Porkpie replied "I would be very surprised if, after this event, I didn't go up in the polls."
JONNY PORKPIE RESPONDS TO NAKED COWBOY'S WITHDRAWAL FROM MAYORAL RACE
"Burlesque Mayor of NYC" is now only viable stunt candidate in the upcoming election
September 5, 2009: From his campaign headquarters in Brooklyn, NY candidate Jonny Porkpie issued a statement in reaction to the withdrawal from the race of the man he once targeted as his "main opponent" in the upcoming Mayoral election.
"Truly, I am sorry to see him go," said Porkpie. "Sure, we had our disagreements, both in policy and about the definition of the word 'Naked', but I had some really good lines about him that I can't use any more.
"The problem, as I see it, is that the Cowboy didn't take his stunt candidacy seriously enough. I'd like to assure the voters that I--Jonny Porkpie--take my stunt candidacy very seriously, and will take my stunt administration even more seriously."
On hearing of the withdrawal, one supporter -- award-winning burlesque performer Little Brooklyn -- texted "The Cowboy dropped out! I know the only thing Porkpie will drop is his pants - you have my vote."
"Who knows?" concluded Porkpie. "Perhaps the mayoral race is better off without him. I mean, let's face it, this is a man who sued a blue M&M for wearing his outfit, then lost a People.com 'Who's Sexier' poll to that same M&M."
"I think the same is true of Bloomberg, by the way," Porkpie added.
The "Porkpie For (actual) Mayor" political rally and burlesque show takes place on Monday, September 14 at 10:00pm at Public Assembly, 70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
MAYORAL RACE HEATS UP
Jonny Porkpie, "The Burlesque Mayor of New York City", takes opponents to task
On Monday August 17, during a burlesque tribute to the borough of Brooklyn presented by Sweet & Nasty Burlesque, Mayoral Candidate Jonny Porkpie outlined further details of his ecdysiastical vision for New York City. Porkpie spoke once again from the stage at 70 North 6th Street, where his political rally and burlesque show will be held on Monday, September 14 at 10:00pm.
In front of the ragged, paint-splattered curtain of Public Assembly, Porkpie briefly thanked Sweet & Nasty Burlesque for allowing him to be part of their event before launching into a strongly and suggestively-worded condemnation of the recent New York City real estate development strategies embraced by the current administration.
"This city is currently in the middle a building boom that has all the grace, style, and charm of a teenager getting a surprise hard-on in the middle of English class," Porkpie said. "The New Times Square... any building with the name "Trump" on it... the empty new condos scattered like a rash across the neighborhoods of Brooklyn... not to mention the plan recently approved for Coney Island by the City Council... What's popping up in New York is embarrassing, ill-timed, ill-planned, and unfortunate: the kind of thing that should make us all want to head out of the room holding a textbook in front of our collective crotch.
"But ugly is just the beginning. These new constructions are also poorly built, and made out out of inferior materials. As any architect can tell you, buildings erected in such a way are more prone to early collapse.
"So I say this: The people of New York must demand better, more attractive, longer-lasting erections. When I am elected mayor, I am confident that I -- and my burlesque cohorts -- will be able give them that."
To illustrate the point, Porkpie brought to the stage what he deemed a prime example of appropriate New York architecture: a woman dressed as the Chrysler Building, who proceeded to perform a striptease. The hoots and hollers of the voters in the audience made it clear that they fully supported the positions she was taking.
After the event, the crowd remained enthusiastic about the candidate. "I liked a lot of the issues Porkpie brought up," exclaimed one voter. "And that's not all he brought up that I liked."
"He's not afraid to put his finger on hot-button topics," observed another.
A few days later, Porkpie took his fellow candidates to task in an informal speech from his campaign headquarters in Brooklyn. He began his critique with the current administration, which he felt had outlived its usefulness to the people of the five boroughs.
"Bloomberg's time has passed," Porkpie said. "Mike is an administrator, a businessman. What New York need right now is a visionary -- someone who can look to the future and see a better, a nakeder, New York. I, Jonny Porkpie, am that visionary. And when I drink enough, I'm a double visionary. That's two for the price of one."
When asked about the democratic candidates, Tony Avella, Roland Rogers, and William C. Thompson, Jr., Porkpie merely observed, "Who?"
He was less charitable towards a certain western-themed guitar-toting denizen of Times Square. "I invited all the candidates to an open debate on September 14, and only one turned me down flat. How can a candidate claim that 'Nobody Has Done More With Less' when he is unwilling to drop his man-panties and prove it? If he is afraid to debate in an unclothed manner, so be it. To the so-called 'Naked' Cowboy, I have only this to say..."
Porkpie adjusted his namesake hat. "I know naked," he said. "Some of my best friends are naked. And you, sir, are not naked."
With a smug look on his goateed face, Porkpie leaned back in his chair, took a sip from the glass of whiskey in his hand, and promptly fell over backwards.
If the mayoral campaign seems heated now, just wait until Monday, September 14 at 10:00pm, when burlesque superstars Dirty Martini, Gigi La Femme, Julie Atlas Muz and Veronica Varlow take to the stage for the "PORKPIE FOR (actual) MAYOR" rally and burlesque show. Porkpie has vowed, as part of the event, to also present his stimulus package.
PORKPIE ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR "ACTUAL" MAYOR
Targets "Naked Cowboy" as main opponent, invites all candidates to open debate at Public Assembly on Monday, September 14 at 10:00pm
August 3, 2009, New York City: Jonny Porkpie, the "Burlesque Mayor of NYC", today declared his intention to seek the office of "actual" Mayor of New York City.
Porkpie, a born and bred New Yorker, made the announcement to an enthusiastic crowd on the stage of Public Assembly in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where he produces the monthly show "Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas". Porkpie's declaration of candidacy was met with enthusiastic hooting and hollering, several wolf whistles, and a demand that Porkpie "take if off!" In a demonstration of his firm commitment to the needs of the voters of New York, Porkpie immediately complied.
Porkpie explained that the decision to throw his hat into the ring came when he discovered that Times Square's "Naked Cowboy" was running for the office. Eschewing the more level-headed campaigning tactics popularized in recent elections, Porkpie went immediately on the attack against the man he identified as his main opponent, citing the Cowboy's trademark 'tightie-whitie' briefs as evidence of chicanery. "It all comes down to trust," said Porkpie, sternly. "How can New Yorkers trust a man who calls himself 'Naked' while wearing boy panties for the whole world to see?"
Porkpie also called into question what he called the Cowboy's "New Yorkicity". "We welcome all types in our fair city," Porkpie said, magnanimously. "From all over the world, and wearing all sorts of stupid outfits. But voters should ask themselves this: when looking at your mayor's chapeau, do you want it to be a symbol of the wild west? Or do you want it to be the hat worn by "Popeye" Doyle in the classic New York film The French Connection - the hat about which Charles Mingus wrote a song when in New York City -- that is to say, the Porkpie hat!"
Millinery argument aside, Porkpie remains confident that he is as viable as any other candidate for mayor. "I may not have millions of dollars to cram your mailbox full of paper spam like incumbent Michael Bloomberg, but I do have one thing he doesn't have -- an entire city full of sexy, talented friends who will take their clothes off in support of my campaign."
On the Monday, September 14, the eve of the New York City mayoral primary, Jonny Porkpie will make a last-ditch effort to seduce the voters of NYC using any and every means necessary. The event promises to be the most entertaining political rally of all time, as Porkpie will issue his position statements in the form of live burlesque numbers, performed by top stars of NYC striptease including Dirty Martini, Julie Atlas Muz, and more.
"I invite all candidates to join me on September 14 for a spirited debate on the stage of Public Assembly," emoted Porkpie, "And to -- as I will -- lay their policies bare for all New Yorkers to see. I intend to pursue a rigorous stance of full disclosure during this event, as well as throughout my mayoral campaign -- can you do any less?"
Jonny Porkpie's "PORKPIE FOR (actual) MAYOR" rally will be held at 10:00pm Monday, September 14 as part of Monday Night Burlesque at Public Assembly, 70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg. Admission is $10, tickets available at the door.